


Make Me Beautiful

by unshurtugal



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 02:13:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1801639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unshurtugal/pseuds/unshurtugal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine says “Daddy” for the first time in bed with Kurt, and neither of them really understand why. This is the journey of Kurt growing to learn about Blaine’s troubled past, and what it means for their future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make Me Beautiful

"Ugh this is so embarrassing," Blaine groaned, feeling his face heat. He wanted to cover it and melt into the cushy couch he sat on so Mrs. Sanders would stop looking at him like that; all sympathetic and understanding like she always was. How did she do that? She had to be a goddamned saint.

Blaine thought he could do it, he thought that after all that he’s gone through with her he could tell her, but for some reason this of all things kept his tongue in knots.

"No need to feel embarrassed, Blaine, you know it’s a safe place here."

Blaine looked up at her, seeking solace and answers.

To a stranger, Mrs. Sanders would almost appear cold and uncaring with her pale, slanted face and pointed grey-green eyes. Her hair was light blond and fell in sheets down her back, framing her face in a way that made her neck look long and body smaller than it was. And she was indeed, very small.

But when she spoke, that always changed. She had a genuine warmness to her voice and demeanor that soaked the room and settled there. Like she was a well-fed housewife with rosy, plump cheeks that always knew how to make the right meal to cheer someone up and offer the right advice with a small pat of her soft hand.

Blaine had been seeing her since he was 10 years old. Ever since the divorce and after he told his mother what his father had done to him for so long. Mrs. Sanders had been the only person Blaine ever felt safe around in his entire life, his longest most trusting loving relationship. Maybe except for Kurt.

_Kurt_ , Blaine’s mind echoed fondly, calming him. He felt more confident now.

”Start from the beginning,” she said reasonably, folding her long fingers in her lap and smiled softly. “You were at Kurt’s?”

"Yes," Blaine replied, calming further. He inhaled deeply through his mouth and exhaled loudly out his nose. This was a safe place. Nobody would judge him here. Nobody would look at him like he was needing to be saved. He already was.

Blaine then closed his eyes, recalling the shifting of bed sheets, the intoxicatingly sweet scent of Kurt’s skin; the feel of his lips, warm and grounding against his own. Kurt’s hands were gentle as they raked through Blaine’s loose curls, coming around to cup his cheek and bring him in for a deeper kiss.

Kurt’s parents weren’t home, nor his brother, so they had nothing but time. Nothing but each other and their bodies to map over and over again until they knew the other more than they knew themselves. 

There had always been blockades between them, mostly due to Blaine’s past. It was a maddening desire to wish to be penetrated and filled until he felt whole, but the moment Kurt’s fingers would brush over his cock and back to venture somewhere new, Blaine would close up.

He just couldn’t do it.

Blaine trusted Kurt with his life, but Blaine wasn’t sure that Kurt trusted Blaine with his. The moment he would decide to tell Kurt why he was so broken would surely be the last day Blaine saw him; leaving him for someone less damaged.

Kurt, _Kurt_ , so perfect in every way. So secure and sure. Strong and confident. Nothing ever got to him, not even during his coming out. Not even when his father got diagnosed with cancer. Or at least that’s what he told Blaine. Blaine told Kurt some things too, but never.. _that_.

He thought Kurt knew though. Maybe _knew_ on a superficial level. 

Kurt knew about Blaine’s compulsive need for approval. His unending desire to be constantly reminded of love and rewarded with security. Blaine’s eager willingness to please, putting that before all else but at the same time kept a safeguard on himself.

Kurt knew the moment they met that he needed to earn Blaine’s ultimate trust, and it wouldn’t come easily.

He also knew that Blaine was the one, and nobody and nothing would take them away from each other. And he never failed to remind Blaine of that, not ever. So it would all be worth it.

So on this day, Blaine felt ready to take that next step.

That was until, under Blaine’s assumption, when it was allowed, Kurt finally touched him in the most intimate way, his smooth fingertips brushing against the tight rim of his asshole while they kissed and rutted, the need and desire so intense that-

Blaine’s suppressed moan had turned into a, “ _please Daddy_.”

Kurt had stiffened and so did Blaine, their eyes wide and breaths still. But before Kurt could open his mouth to question what had happened, and what it meant, Blaine was out the door, his clothes bunched to his chest with tears of humiliation and shame running down his cheeks.

They hadn’t spoken since, and it was _killing_ Blaine. He was counting the hours. The _minutes_. Why hadn’t Kurt tried to contact him? Was he giving Blaine some space or was Kurt gone for good?

All these questions.. so he had to tell Mrs. Sanders immediately. She would know what to do. She always did.

"So you called him.. _Daddy_ ,” the woman in question asked Blaine tentatively when he was finished with his tale. She had to be sure she heard right, Blaine was often very fragile and sensitive. You couldn’t misconstrue anything when it came to terms of healing.

Blaine sighed heavily, heart in his throat. It was all out in the open now.

“ _Yes_ , and I know it’s really sick and wrong and-“

“ _No_ ,” Mrs. Sanders interjected forcefully, looking like she was about to stand.

A beat went by, and Blaine was barely breathing.

"No," she then repeated a little more gently, relaxing slightly into her chair. "There is nothing wrong with you, Blaine. You have been a victim, and that will always stay with you. Nothing you feel will ever be wrong."

"I don’t know what I feel," Blaine admitted in a small voice.

Mrs. Sanders paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “Why do you think you said it, Blaine?”

On a whim, Blaine wanted to explode with a childish “I DON’T KNOW!” but he wanted a better answer than that. He wanted to find the truth, whatever it was. So Blaine thought hard, digging into a deep part of himself that he rather he didn’t on a normal basis.

"I know I wasn’t thinking of.. of _him_ , not at all, it was Kurt, everything is Kurt,” Blaine let out in a rush. “When I said it, for a moment, it felt right. It was perfect. I was _ready_. But then I saw the look on his face.”

They were quiet for a long time after that while Blaine got lost in his own, paranoid thoughts as Mrs. Sanders considered him. She tapped her pen against her mouth, her gaze intense and notebook blank. Then-

"You know what, Blaine I’m going to tell you what I think it means, but keep in mind, I could always be wrong-"

"You’re _never_ wrong about anything,” Blaine interrupted with a praise, his grin broad and absorbent; she grinned back.

"Well thank you Blaine you’re sweet," Mrs. Sanders smiled delicately, taking his compliment well, which Blaine never really expected. "I _do_ have a masters in behavioral psychology, so I’m not a doctor - _yet_ \- but that doesn’t mean anything as far as I’m concerned.”

Blaine leaned forward, enraptured by her wise voice.

"Watching people, talking to them.. interacting. That’s what makes you learn the most about them. And what I’ve discovered over some time is that when it comes to human sexuality, people like to stigmatize fetishes. But they shouldn’t ever be considered bad unless they are actually harmful to others.

"As children we learn quickly what we like, don’t like and a lot of the time so called ‘kinks’ are developed as a result of things that originally scared us or brought us great anxiety. It helps one cope, or at least come to terms with it; conquer it.. especially in your case. Despite the fact that your father sexually abused you, you find comfort in calling Kurt ‘Daddy.’ You know he’ll never hurt you, and that is your way of showing him you trust him completely and want to give yourself to him."

Mrs. Sanders took a deep breath and leaned back, settling into her chair and seemingly satisfied with her explanation. 

Blaine chewed on his lip, absorbing the information. It really made sense all laid out like that, but would Kurt understand? Would he be upset? The idea of losing Kurt for good gripped a cold fear in Blaine that was almost paralyzing. 

They were only 17 years old, yes. They’ve barely lived, sure but Mrs. Sanders always believed him when he told her that he was in love the day he set eyes on that boy on the staircase. Blaine wasn’t just some dumb kid with a flavor of the week. This was the real deal and he had to do everything in his power to keep it. But Blaine also knew to prepare for the worst. He was almost too world-weary for his own good.

Blaine had to grow up a long time ago when his father stole his innocence. 

"I’m not sure what I should do now," Blaine told her again, feeling more lost than before. "I’m afraid."

Mrs. Sanders leaned forward and took Blaine’s hand, her touch warm and comforting despite how thin her fingers were. He felt everything inside himself relax considerably.

"I know I’ve told you to work at your own pace, take your time in telling him, but I think it’s time now."

"Yeah," Blaine agreed with her, regretfully so. She was right, she was always right.

"You’ll feel so much better once you’ve done so." Mrs. Sanders reasoned. "From what you’ve told me, he sounds wonderful. He’ll understand. He’ll take care of you. You have nothing to be afraid or ashamed of."

She paused and looked at her watch, shaking herself back into reality.

"Looks like our hour is about up, Blaine. However, I’ll give you parting advice."

Blaine stood. “Which is?”

"Call Kurt, first and foremost. Tell him you need to talk to him immediately. Second, once that’s all out of the way, I suggest you take some time delving into the sexual world of domination and submission. Use the internet. You might find some stuff there, and re-discover yourself."

Blaine couldn’t help but blush as he hugged her goodbye, his phone now feeling heavy in his pocket.

It was time now.

***

Blaine waited until he was outside and out of ear-shot of everyone around him, even though he knew better than to think that complete strangers even cared about what he was saying over the phone.

Yet his finger hovered over the dial button for at least a full minute before Blaine decided to take the plunge, feeling like he was going to vomit.

The phone picked up before there was even a second ring.

"Blaine?"

Kurt sounded out of breath, and terribly worried.

"Can you meet me by the park by my house?" Blaine asked in a rush before Kurt could even begin another sentence. 

"I- yes, _of course_ , Blaine-“

Blaine interjected once more. “I know, we just need to talk about what happened in person. But for now I’d like to apologize for running out on you, it wasn’t fair.”

Kurt was quiet for a moment. “It’s okay.”

Blaine wanted to tell him that it wasn’t okay but his throat chose then to close up completely, cutting off his airways and making his head feel like it was going to explode.

"See you soon?" Kurt added hopefully.

"Yeah," Blaine breathed, his chest constrictions relaxing slightly to allow him one gasp before his doom.

"I love you," and Kurt sounded like he thought he was pushing it. But Blaine’s body flooded with relief. He was home again.

"I love you too," Blaine replied instantly, sure and happy.

They hung up with lighter hearts, making their way to their chosen destination.

Blaine tried not to focus on the fear too much, but he couldn’t help it. He knew he could never truly be with Kurt if he didn’t share every part of himself, even the most twisted. But it didn’t stop the onslaught of probing questions that made Blaine feel like he had no foundation in the ground he was walking on.

He found himself in the park less than twenty minutes later and he spotted Kurt immediately. Kurt had beat him there, swinging resolutely on a swing, toeing through the playground sand. 

He appeared thoughtful under his concern, and it made Blaine have to force himself forward, focusing solely on putting one foot in front of the other. Each shallow breath was loud, like he was submerged under water, his brain whirring at a million miles an hour, but still nowhere near the frantic beat of his heart-

"Hi," Kurt’s voice came, saving Blaine from falling into a dark place of uncertainty. 

"Hi," Blaine returned, his smile crinkling up his eyes.

"Come swing with me," Kurt offered, and that’s what they did. At least for a little while.

"There are some things that I’ve failed to tell you about," Blaine began with once he couldn’t hold it inside a second longer.

He felt tight and still, suddenly impervious to raw emotion; he almost felt like he could admit anything. Although, Blaine still found it difficult to meet Kurt’s gaze longer than a few seconds, his tongue feeling unusually dry and very heavy in his mouth.

"What is it?" Kurt’s voice was filled with nothing but concern, saturating the air between them and Blaine yearned to reach for his lover. But instead, he gripped the sweaty chains, allowing them to dig into his palms. The stench of metal was harsh on his nose the deeper he breathed.

"I-" Blaine now wasn’t sure if he could actually say it out-loud. 

When he first started seeing Mrs. Sanders he got used to talking about it in her safe, confined room. But out here in the open, any flitting bird could bear witness to his confession. It was utterly terrifying. Blaine felt vulnerable; too small.

There was white noise and Kurt’s expectant gaze when Blaine finally just let it out. And once he did he felt a crushing fear so potent and a relief so satisfying his body felt like it was knocked completely out of equilibrium. He could barely catch his breath. He was shaking from head to foot. He almost did vomit this time.

"W-what?" Kurt sounded horrified. This had the potential to be worse than Blaine ever imagined, and he’s imagined a lot of terrible things.

"My father molested me," Blaine repeated, blunt and harsh, the reality and the anger still so fresh as it was when it first happened when he was 8.

Kurt’s hand went to his mouth, tears flooding his eyes. “ _Blaine_ -“

"No," Blaine was suddenly defensive, like he felt like was about to be attacked. "I don’t need your pity. Please don’t say it ‘I’m so sorry' - it's so recycled and meaningless.”

Kurt didn’t say anything. So Blaine continued talking.

"My father never liked me, and I think it’s because he hated knowing my mom was unfaithful. But for some reason I always wanted to impress him despite how much I hated him. He just did it to show that he was in control of me, I know that now. It went on for two years.. him coming into my bed at night.. waiting until my mom left for the night shift at work. But I finally told her despite how scared I was because I was feeling more empty on the inside every day. I didn’t know how to connect with anybody. She left him immediately and took me away. She was the only one who ever believed me. He got criminally charged and put away for a long time. At least.. that’s what she told me. I haven’t seen him since."

"How old were you?" Kurt’s voice was shaken, thick with tears.

"Ten," Blaine nearly barked out, relinquishing the hold on his swing to wrap around his body, trying to make himself feel safe again. He didn’t know why Kurt chose that question out of the them all. There were so many for them both.

“Blaine,” Kurt was definitely crying, but Blaine couldn’t look at him. Not right now.

Kurt finally knew that all that bad stuff got into him too young. What was he going to do now? How was Blaine supposed to go on without him?

"I just couldn’t tell you, Kurt," Blaine told him, starting to cry himself. "I just _couldn’t_.. you’ll think I’m.. I’m _dirty_ -“

"No!" Kurt startled him by yelling, getting to his feet and making his way around to face Blaine head on. The chains moaned as they swung without a passenger.

Blaine tried to contain his sorrowful sobs, but he still looked up at the love of his life’s face anyway.

Kurt’s eyes were burning, bright and unwavering. Blaine blinked away tears, bracing himself for the worst; his entire body clenched with anxiety.

"This doesn’t change anything," Kurt said with conviction, emotion warping the words. "Nothing at all."

Blaine opened his mouth to object with a ‘ _how_ ' or ' _you must be lying_ ' but Kurt forcefully took Blaine's hand into his own, folding them both into his chest. He looked so sure, and it made Blaine absolutely ache to be like him. He hoped more than anything else that what Kurt was saying was truth.

"It actually makes it all make sense," Kurt said more softly, taking Blaine’s hand up to his lips to brush kisses along his knuckles.

"It does?" Blaine sounded hopeful, hoping that his little bubble of warmth wouldn’t be crushed.

"Yes," Kurt promised, guiding Blaine up from the swing and into his arms. "I’m glad you told me."

Blaine collapsed into Kurt’s secure arms and let it all go. He exhaled and then _cried_. Cried more than he ever had in his life. He cried for himself and his lost youth. He cried for his mother who had to take care of her damaged son in the aftermath. He cried for Kurt and all he’s been through, but despite all that he still loved Blaine.

_Blaine was loved_. 

"I love you," Blaine choked, salty tears soaking Kurt’s shirt as he gripped him for dear life. "I love you so much, Kurt."

It was then he realized Kurt was crying again too, rubbing his back comfortingly all the while. “I love you too, Blaine. More than anything else in this world.”

They held each other for so long that Blaine lost track of the time. He just breathed and sniffled until it all slowed down and they were looking at each other, kissing each other, loving each other more than ever before. 

"Come now," Kurt eventually said, leading Blaine away from the park. "We have a bed waiting for us."

***

Kurt spread Blaine along the sheets below him like he was the most precious, delicate artifact. 

He worshipped Blaine, took Blaine for everything he was. There wasn’t an inch of skin that went untouched.

Blaine never in his life felt more at one with himself and another. Was this.. serenity?

He was accepted. He was cherished.

It was unconditional.

“ _Baby_ ,” Kurt murmured against his skin, currently the area that curved behind Blaine’s knee, fingers stroking and caressing up his trembling thighs.

Blaine was breathing hard, every time Kurt skirted past his pulsing cock, leaking and untouched against his navel. There was just so much else to do before all of that. They both knew that.

It felt like they had been naked for hours, but Blaine didn’t want to find out the time because that would take away from.. _this_. Human-made constraints didn’t matter here. It was all too trivial. What they were experiencing was a whole new plane of transcendence. 

It was unsaid that they had limitless time together today. Today of all days.

They kissed long and slow, heated and quick. Their bodies touched and molded into each other like it was meant to be all along. Olive and ivory. Yin and yang. 

Kurt and Blaine.

"Baby," Kurt whispered again as he stroked through Blaine’s hair. It was meaningful and there was a _yearning_.

Each time it was spoken Blaine felt the syllable shiver against his skin and roll tremors up his spine. It was coaxing out this person inside Blaine he never knew was there, willing and free.

Blaine no longer had anything to hide or anything to keep himself safe. No guards or self-preservation. This was it. This is what Mrs. Sanders told him all that time ago.

_"There will be a day, Blaine, and though it may not be any time soon you will realize that you are healed from all of this. There will be a person that will make you feel so complete that it be like you never had any scars to begin with. This person will accept you, all of you and then you will know that you accept yourself."_

As a 12 year old at the time, it all seemed like a fairytale fantasy. Especially when his sexuality was still uncertain and all that had happened with his father still seemed like a weight he carried around with him always.

But she was right, she was always right.

He had arrived. This was it. Today was that day.

Blaine bit his lip, overwhelmed with happiness. Tears burned his eyes and his heart. Kurt kissed away the moisture from his cheeks and rocked with him, the pleasure of it almost too much.

But it only took a few more minutes until it wasn’t entirely enough. Blaine’s teeth were clenched from his desperation as he reached down and had Kurt touch him where he needed him most.

"Daddy _please_ ,” Blaine said then, but this time he didn’t run. He waited for Kurt to respond.

Kurt gripped his cock and pumped once; twice. They breathed with each other, hitched with moans and eyes never leaving. They were locked there together, seemingly like eternity.

"Daddy’s going to take good care of you," Kurt finally said, taking his strong, lean legs to pull Blaine’s apart, his other hand venturing down and back to spread Blaine’s cheeks apart in turn.

Blaine moaned in ecstasy, his eyelids fluttering shut while Kurt’s fingers worked against him, already lubed but so, so gentle.

They kissed again, each movement and press so perfect and concentrated that Blaine inhaled sharply when he realized that Kurt’s fingers were inside him for the first time; kneading and pushing and stretching-

He didn’t even realize.

“Kurt,” Blaine whined, fingernails digging into Kurt’s sinewy back and down to cup his perfectly round ass. He wanted Kurt inside him more than anything he ever wanted in his life. The feeling was so intense that his abdomen burned, the pain of need _oh_ -

“ _Shhhh_ , baby,” Kurt hushed him, dragging his cock along Blaine’s balls. “Daddy needs to make you ready for him.”

"I’m ready for you, Daddy," Blaine whimpered, his voice so juvenile and trusting. It tugged on Kurt’s heart at the same time the name made his jaw quiver. It felt so right, more than he expected it to.

A few more strokes and Kurt’s fingers were gone, but they were kissing again and Blaine kissed him back desperately, his fingers grappling at Kurt’s face, trying to bring him closer.

He could feel Kurt against him, rubbing along his sensitive flesh, just shy of his rim and hesitant to show that Blaine could back out if need be. But Kurt knew, and so did Blaine that deep inside that there was no stopping this.

It was perfect.

Then, they both stilled with anticipation as Kurt held Blaine and himself steady, ready to push in; ready to take that step for the rest of their lives.

"Do you trust me?" Kurt asked, his voice breathless.

Blaine got lost in his eyes for a long time before answering.

"Yes I do, more than anything."

And the rest was history.


End file.
